Dear April,
We're through. You've been nothing but a heartless bitch and I can't take your shit any longer.
M.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
a post completely devoid of content
I’ve done it again. I’ve waited until the last possible moment to write the blog post. I couldn’t be less interested. I’m doing it solely to check off the goal of having written this month’s post. And there you (whoever you might be) have it – a post completely devoid of content.
Monday, February 28, 2011
HERE WE GO AGAIN
Ever since I began this endeavor, I’ve intended to deal adequately with the following list. I have yet to have done it. Perhaps this year I will do better.
TOP TEN BEST PARTS OF BEING ALIVE IN MY. . . . SHOES:
#10 WORK: WAL-MART TIRE & LUBE EXPRESS AND TEACHING
#9 OUR CHURCH
#8 INTERNET (FOR EMAIL, SHOPPING, AND WHATHAVEYOU)
#7 THE SHED
#6 LEGAL DRUGS (CAFFEINE, NICOTINE, PHARMACEUTICALS, ETC…)
#5 THE INTANGIBLE ECSTASY OF MAXNESS
#4 LITERACY: WRITING, READING, LISTENING, AND THINKING
#3 FAMILY, FRIENDS, EASE, COMFORT, ETC. . .
#2 MARIA, AURORA, AND VIVIAN
#1 GOD (THROUGH WHOM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE)
TOP TEN BEST PARTS OF BEING ALIVE IN MY. . . . SHOES:
#10 WORK: WAL-MART TIRE & LUBE EXPRESS AND TEACHING
#9 OUR CHURCH
#8 INTERNET (FOR EMAIL, SHOPPING, AND WHATHAVEYOU)
#7 THE SHED
#6 LEGAL DRUGS (CAFFEINE, NICOTINE, PHARMACEUTICALS, ETC…)
#5 THE INTANGIBLE ECSTASY OF MAXNESS
#4 LITERACY: WRITING, READING, LISTENING, AND THINKING
#3 FAMILY, FRIENDS, EASE, COMFORT, ETC. . .
#2 MARIA, AURORA, AND VIVIAN
#1 GOD (THROUGH WHOM ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE)
Monday, January 31, 2011
TEDIUM
DISCLAIMER #5: Nearly everything I say (write) is probably mistaken – most of it is just plain wrong – half of it is intentional fabrication – and lots of it (like this post for instance) is just silly – as I’ve said repeatedly before: I don’t know what’s wrong with me – by the way, when you notice that I am wrong, you should tell me – it’s your moral obligation and I will do my best not to grunt too loudly as I trample on your pearls – actually, I will do my best NOT to trample on your pearls at all – I love other people’s pearls – Oink!
The original plan was to post one entry a month and I’ve done that. I’m finding it difficult to continue to care about this exercise. I don’t know what I expected. At this point the whole thing has become tedious.
The original plan was to post one entry a month and I’ve done that. I’m finding it difficult to continue to care about this exercise. I don’t know what I expected. At this point the whole thing has become tedious.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
#9 OUR CHURCH, PART II:
NOTE: I wrote the following over three years ago. I don’t exactly feel this way any more, but a lot of people do.
All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid--
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.Amen (MONTY PYTHON)
SO TODAY´S TOPIC IS #9 OUR CHURCH – I’ve decided that church is sort of like going to the track or the bingo parlor or the casino – I’ve never actually been to any of those places (so this is mostly BS), but I assume that people go to them for three basic reasons: 1) to socialize, 2) to be entertained, and 3) to get a little something to take home with them (i.e. to win) – I think that most people go to church for the some reasons – these, however, are not the reasons that I go to church – I do not really enjoy the social atmosphere at churches and I am not at all entertained (except slightly, in the most masochistic way, by my own discomfort) by anything having to do with church – I do occasionally get something out of the sermon (a little something to take home with me), but that is not why I go to church – the fact is that I only go to church b/c it’s so extremely important to my wife that I go – I have to confess that I am not at all sure why she goes to church or why it is so immensely imperative that I go – it’s not that I haven’t asked her or that she hasn’t told me, it simply that when she answers me, it’s like she’s speaking in another language (maybe it’s the Holy Spirit) – she talks about not forsaking the assembly as in "Let us not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day (of Jesus' Return) approaching." (Hebrews 10:25) -- she talks about Christian fellowship, instruction, and accountability -- she talks about having a like-minded group of people around to help us socialize our daughters (I actually understand and agree with that one) – but the other two are completely lost on me – call me what you will, church just seems like such a tremendous waste of time to me – why cant I just get a copy of the semon notes or the audio recording – okay, that’s enough venting – the fact is that I don’t really have much of a choice in the matter, so I might as well make the best of it – of all the churches I’ve been to in my life, I like ours the best – which is how it makes it on the list – it could be so much worse – I’ve been to so much worse – I’ve spent years in so much worse – i grew up in so much worse – so it could be so much worse, but instead it’s only a mild nuisance surrounded by wonderful people and an excellent pastor – that’s why it’s on the list of the best parts of my life – going to my church (for me, every week) is like going to the doctor thinking that you have cancer and expecting chemotherapy and instead finding out that you only have a hernia – it’s not what you wanted, but it’s a hell of a lot better than it could have been – as always, feel free to respond with ridicule, sincerity, silliness, or whathaveyou
max
All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid--
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.Amen (MONTY PYTHON)
SO TODAY´S TOPIC IS #9 OUR CHURCH – I’ve decided that church is sort of like going to the track or the bingo parlor or the casino – I’ve never actually been to any of those places (so this is mostly BS), but I assume that people go to them for three basic reasons: 1) to socialize, 2) to be entertained, and 3) to get a little something to take home with them (i.e. to win) – I think that most people go to church for the some reasons – these, however, are not the reasons that I go to church – I do not really enjoy the social atmosphere at churches and I am not at all entertained (except slightly, in the most masochistic way, by my own discomfort) by anything having to do with church – I do occasionally get something out of the sermon (a little something to take home with me), but that is not why I go to church – the fact is that I only go to church b/c it’s so extremely important to my wife that I go – I have to confess that I am not at all sure why she goes to church or why it is so immensely imperative that I go – it’s not that I haven’t asked her or that she hasn’t told me, it simply that when she answers me, it’s like she’s speaking in another language (maybe it’s the Holy Spirit) – she talks about not forsaking the assembly as in "Let us not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day (of Jesus' Return) approaching." (Hebrews 10:25) -- she talks about Christian fellowship, instruction, and accountability -- she talks about having a like-minded group of people around to help us socialize our daughters (I actually understand and agree with that one) – but the other two are completely lost on me – call me what you will, church just seems like such a tremendous waste of time to me – why cant I just get a copy of the semon notes or the audio recording – okay, that’s enough venting – the fact is that I don’t really have much of a choice in the matter, so I might as well make the best of it – of all the churches I’ve been to in my life, I like ours the best – which is how it makes it on the list – it could be so much worse – I’ve been to so much worse – I’ve spent years in so much worse – i grew up in so much worse – so it could be so much worse, but instead it’s only a mild nuisance surrounded by wonderful people and an excellent pastor – that’s why it’s on the list of the best parts of my life – going to my church (for me, every week) is like going to the doctor thinking that you have cancer and expecting chemotherapy and instead finding out that you only have a hernia – it’s not what you wanted, but it’s a hell of a lot better than it could have been – as always, feel free to respond with ridicule, sincerity, silliness, or whathaveyou
max
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
#9 OUR CHURCH, PART I:
TOP TEN BEST PARTS OF BEING ALIVE IN MY. . . . SHOES:#9 OUR CHURCH, PART I:
I grew up in a “Christian” home – my parents are Christians and have always been very involved in church – I asked Jesus to “come into my heart” when I was four and again when I was six – I attended church, AWANA, Sunday school, and even Sunday night services regularly throughout the years I lived with my parents and even went to three Evangelical Free Church National Youth Conferences and missions trip – somehow none of this seemed to have a significant long-term effect on my thinking or behavior – I would feel convicted, vow to change, and then eventually I just gave up – I couldn’t be godly or even good -- it was impossible – I didn’t want to be good (I wanted to get laid) – I didn’t want to be godly – I didn’t really even know what any of that stuff meant – my parents were good and godly, but they seemed like aliens from outer space – I couldn’t be like them – I’d tried and it was impossible – I didn’t even want to be like them anymore – I was tired of felling guilty and bad about myself all of the time, so finally I just said “fuck it – I’m me and that’s all there is to it – I can’t change – I don’t even want to change – I’m just going to have to learn to be fine being myself” – so by the time I left home for college, I’d basically given up on the whole religion thing – my parents sent me to Trinity College in Deerfield, Illinois – when people asked, I claimed to be an agnostic or occasionally an atheist (it was so fun to watch their little fundamentalist jaws drop when I said that) – I decided that no one can really know anything for sure about God or the existence of God and Christians were just fooling themselves – in February of 1991, during the spring semester of my sophomore year, I found myself in the deepest most anguished depression of my life – everything that I’d cared about had fallen apart, and I couldn’t think of a single reason to go on living – it was at this point, during a walk alone (smoking obviously) late one night that God spoke to me – he told me that he existed; that he loved me; and that if I would seek him, he would reveal himself to me (have I ever mentioned this to any of you? I typically don’t bring this up b/c it still seems pretty fucking crazy) – when I returned to the dorm feeling numb and slightly insane, Lee Hildebrand (I wonder if Connie still knows him), a student who lived next door, came out of his room and handed me a book – he said that he’d been praying just then and had felt like he needed to pray for me and then he felt like he needed to find me and give me this book (I’d just walked into our suite) – I went back into his room – the book was Tired of Trying to Measure Up by Jeff Vanvonderen -- I went into my room and climbed up onto my bunk and read the whole thing that night – I don’t really remember anything specific about the book (I ought to reread it), but one thing sticks out: I had thought that I was supposed to try to be good and try not to be bad – it turns out that the fact that I couldn’t do this is the whole point of Christ coming to earth – no one can do and trying to is pointless – so my earlier conclusions were right, it was just my response that was wrong – instead of just giving up, I needed to trust Christ to change me – I decided to do that right then (I didn’t have anything to lose) – I decided to trust Christ to change me and he has been, little by little, and he’s still doing it as all those who know me can affirm – Paul talks about this very thing – the allowing Christ to change him and make him more like Christ through faith in Philippians 3:12-16:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Not much happened in my mind and behavior after that, until in November 1992 when I started trying to have a daily Bible study. This is when God’s real work in my life started making a significant difference in the way I think and act – it’s God who is making the changes in my life, but studying Scripture and prayer are the are the primary ways that I’ve found to position myself in a place where I can be changed – this is the easy yoke that Christ mentions in Matthew 11:30 – it’s his responsibility to change me, but it’s my responsibility to allow myself to be changed.
I grew up in a “Christian” home – my parents are Christians and have always been very involved in church – I asked Jesus to “come into my heart” when I was four and again when I was six – I attended church, AWANA, Sunday school, and even Sunday night services regularly throughout the years I lived with my parents and even went to three Evangelical Free Church National Youth Conferences and missions trip – somehow none of this seemed to have a significant long-term effect on my thinking or behavior – I would feel convicted, vow to change, and then eventually I just gave up – I couldn’t be godly or even good -- it was impossible – I didn’t want to be good (I wanted to get laid) – I didn’t want to be godly – I didn’t really even know what any of that stuff meant – my parents were good and godly, but they seemed like aliens from outer space – I couldn’t be like them – I’d tried and it was impossible – I didn’t even want to be like them anymore – I was tired of felling guilty and bad about myself all of the time, so finally I just said “fuck it – I’m me and that’s all there is to it – I can’t change – I don’t even want to change – I’m just going to have to learn to be fine being myself” – so by the time I left home for college, I’d basically given up on the whole religion thing – my parents sent me to Trinity College in Deerfield, Illinois – when people asked, I claimed to be an agnostic or occasionally an atheist (it was so fun to watch their little fundamentalist jaws drop when I said that) – I decided that no one can really know anything for sure about God or the existence of God and Christians were just fooling themselves – in February of 1991, during the spring semester of my sophomore year, I found myself in the deepest most anguished depression of my life – everything that I’d cared about had fallen apart, and I couldn’t think of a single reason to go on living – it was at this point, during a walk alone (smoking obviously) late one night that God spoke to me – he told me that he existed; that he loved me; and that if I would seek him, he would reveal himself to me (have I ever mentioned this to any of you? I typically don’t bring this up b/c it still seems pretty fucking crazy) – when I returned to the dorm feeling numb and slightly insane, Lee Hildebrand (I wonder if Connie still knows him), a student who lived next door, came out of his room and handed me a book – he said that he’d been praying just then and had felt like he needed to pray for me and then he felt like he needed to find me and give me this book (I’d just walked into our suite) – I went back into his room – the book was Tired of Trying to Measure Up by Jeff Vanvonderen -- I went into my room and climbed up onto my bunk and read the whole thing that night – I don’t really remember anything specific about the book (I ought to reread it), but one thing sticks out: I had thought that I was supposed to try to be good and try not to be bad – it turns out that the fact that I couldn’t do this is the whole point of Christ coming to earth – no one can do and trying to is pointless – so my earlier conclusions were right, it was just my response that was wrong – instead of just giving up, I needed to trust Christ to change me – I decided to do that right then (I didn’t have anything to lose) – I decided to trust Christ to change me and he has been, little by little, and he’s still doing it as all those who know me can affirm – Paul talks about this very thing – the allowing Christ to change him and make him more like Christ through faith in Philippians 3:12-16:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Not much happened in my mind and behavior after that, until in November 1992 when I started trying to have a daily Bible study. This is when God’s real work in my life started making a significant difference in the way I think and act – it’s God who is making the changes in my life, but studying Scripture and prayer are the are the primary ways that I’ve found to position myself in a place where I can be changed – this is the easy yoke that Christ mentions in Matthew 11:30 – it’s his responsibility to change me, but it’s my responsibility to allow myself to be changed.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
EPILOGUE
TOP TEN BEST PARTS OF BEING ALIVE IN MY. . . . SHOES:
#10 WORK: WAL-MART TIRE & LUBE EXPRESS AND TEACHING, PART IX:
So one might ask, “How did work manage to be one of the top ten things about your life?”
All I can say is that it beats the alternatives and I feel very blessed to have a profession and a job that are seldom tedious and often engaging. We lack nothing. If anything we have too much. Life is good. My time at Wal-Mart is coming to a close. Today, Maria (my wife) mentioned that I ought to think about quitting by the end of the year. I’m not quite ready yet. We’re paying off a credit card and a grad. school loan and there are a few things I’d like to purchase before I leave. There’s a wool jacket I’d like to have. There’s a giant leather journal. And I’d also like to buy a bike and maybe a bike for Maria. After that, I ought to be ready to quit. Although, who knows, maybe I’ll quit this Saturday. That’s always been the wonderful thing about my time at Wal-Mart – we’d be fine without it. Quitting is always an option.
#10 WORK: WAL-MART TIRE & LUBE EXPRESS AND TEACHING, PART IX:
So one might ask, “How did work manage to be one of the top ten things about your life?”
All I can say is that it beats the alternatives and I feel very blessed to have a profession and a job that are seldom tedious and often engaging. We lack nothing. If anything we have too much. Life is good. My time at Wal-Mart is coming to a close. Today, Maria (my wife) mentioned that I ought to think about quitting by the end of the year. I’m not quite ready yet. We’re paying off a credit card and a grad. school loan and there are a few things I’d like to purchase before I leave. There’s a wool jacket I’d like to have. There’s a giant leather journal. And I’d also like to buy a bike and maybe a bike for Maria. After that, I ought to be ready to quit. Although, who knows, maybe I’ll quit this Saturday. That’s always been the wonderful thing about my time at Wal-Mart – we’d be fine without it. Quitting is always an option.
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