DISCLAIMER

“All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.” (generic legal disclaimer for works of fiction)

I. DISCLAIMER #1: This blog contains restricted and/or privileged information and is intended only for authorized screening and/or confidential presentation at the said author’s discretion. If you are not the intended observer of this blog, you must not disseminate, modify, copy/plagiarize or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this blog. None of the materials provided on this blog may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including recording or the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the said author.

II. DISCLAIMER #2: This disclaimer post is little more than a shabby ruse to make my induction into the blogosphere more interesting and ridiculous. I feel a little bit ridiculous, so surely that must count for something. Most of what I write is complete nonsense, but what I’ve found is that some of us must generate a great deal of nonsense in order to occasionally arrive at a decent idea. Also, this disclaimer post relieves my compulsion to qualify everything I write with “I may be wrong” or “don’t take this the wrong way.” When in doubt, you should assume that I’m wrong and that I mean no harm.

III. DISCLAIMER #3: I renounce any and all the rules of Standard English – any and all regulations of grammar, mechanics and usage – I especially renounce most forms of punctuation – and I especially, especially renounce the use of periods (and I shall never use periods except when the occasion absolutely demands it).

IV. DISCLAIMER #4: No one expects you to read these posts – I’m sure that I never will – in fact most people don’t – more than six billion people do not read these posts – of course, if you don’t read these posts (every word – more than once) you are probably a bad, selfish, naughty person – I’m sure I am – but no one expects you to read these posts

IV. DISCLAIMER #5: Nearly everything I say (write) is probably mistaken – most of it is just plain wrong – half of it is intentional fabrication – and lots of it (like this post for instance) is just silly – as I’ve said repeatedly before: I don’t know what’s wrong with me – by the way, when you notice that I am wrong, you should tell me – it’s your moral obligation and I will do my best not to grunt too loudly as I trample on your pearls – actually, I will do my best NOT to trample on your pearls at all – I love other people’s pearls – Oink!

V. DISCLAIMER #6: Despite what you may have heard, I do NOT believe in leprechauns – I do, however, believe in all sorts of other crazy shit; e.g., the immaculate conception and divinity of Christ, global warming, the possibility of general world peace, etc., but NOT leprechauns – this is not to say that if I happened upon a diminutive Irishman in a green suit I wouldn’t grab the little blagger and make him take me to his pot of gold because I would [see DISCLAIMER #5]

VII. DISCLAIMER #7: I don’t know what’s wrong with me – if you do, you should tell me

VIII. DISCLAIMER #8: Nothing in any post is meant to be an attack, so if it feels that way, I apologize ahead of time – it’s completely unintentional [see DISCLAIMERS #2 and #5]

IX. DISCLAIMER #9: Information presented in this blog is considered public information (unless otherwise noted) and may be distributed or copied. Use of appropriate byline/photo/image credit is requested. It is strongly recommended that none of the materials provided on this blog be used because no real effort to provide accurate and complete information has been made in any way shape or form. I welcome suggestions on how to improve accuracy and correct errors, but provide no warranty, expressed or implied, as to the accuracy, reliability or completeness of furnished data.

X. DISCLAIMER #10: all narcissistic feelings of “Look at me – I have a blog on the internet” aside, this exercise is essentially an experiment – for decades I’ve been trying to write daily and improve my writing – for years I filled little journals full of loquacious, tedious prose that no one (including myself) would ever want to read – then in 2003, I started writing a semi-regular group email to friends – in 2008, I wrote 376, 10 minute entries – not only did I write daily, but my writing actually began to improve [some of us must generate a great deal of nonsense in order to occasionally arrive at a decent idea] – the key seemed to be the quantity and the audience – the friends I’ve been emailing have been telling me that I ought to write a blog (which may be a nice way of saying, “stop sending us all these bloody emails”) – my thought is to make it a goal to write at least 12 entries (aiming at one a month) – if I find that this experiment serves some useful purpose, e.g., improves my writing, generates interesting discussion, leads to useful feedback, or produces some other completely unforeseen, positive outcome; then I’ll continue on next year with a more rigorous plan – if not, then I will be able to say that I once wrote a blog and surely that must count for something – I openly invite any and all forms of response – “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about” (Wilde)