#9 OUR CHURCH, PART II:

NOTE: I wrote the following over three years ago. I don’t exactly feel this way any more, but a lot of people do.

All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.

Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid--
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!

All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.Amen (MONTY PYTHON)

SO TODAY´S TOPIC IS #9 OUR CHURCH – I’ve decided that church is sort of like going to the track or the bingo parlor or the casino – I’ve never actually been to any of those places (so this is mostly BS), but I assume that people go to them for three basic reasons: 1) to socialize, 2) to be entertained, and 3) to get a little something to take home with them (i.e. to win) – I think that most people go to church for the some reasons – these, however, are not the reasons that I go to church – I do not really enjoy the social atmosphere at churches and I am not at all entertained (except slightly, in the most masochistic way, by my own discomfort) by anything having to do with church – I do occasionally get something out of the sermon (a little something to take home with me), but that is not why I go to church – the fact is that I only go to church b/c it’s so extremely important to my wife that I go – I have to confess that I am not at all sure why she goes to church or why it is so immensely imperative that I go – it’s not that I haven’t asked her or that she hasn’t told me, it simply that when she answers me, it’s like she’s speaking in another language (maybe it’s the Holy Spirit) – she talks about not forsaking the assembly as in "Let us not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day (of Jesus' Return) approaching." (Hebrews 10:25) -- she talks about Christian fellowship, instruction, and accountability -- she talks about having a like-minded group of people around to help us socialize our daughters (I actually understand and agree with that one) – but the other two are completely lost on me – call me what you will, church just seems like such a tremendous waste of time to me – why cant I just get a copy of the semon notes or the audio recording – okay, that’s enough venting – the fact is that I don’t really have much of a choice in the matter, so I might as well make the best of it – of all the churches I’ve been to in my life, I like ours the best – which is how it makes it on the list – it could be so much worse – I’ve been to so much worse – I’ve spent years in so much worse – i grew up in so much worse – so it could be so much worse, but instead it’s only a mild nuisance surrounded by wonderful people and an excellent pastor – that’s why it’s on the list of the best parts of my life – going to my church (for me, every week) is like going to the doctor thinking that you have cancer and expecting chemotherapy and instead finding out that you only have a hernia – it’s not what you wanted, but it’s a hell of a lot better than it could have been – as always, feel free to respond with ridicule, sincerity, silliness, or whathaveyou
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